dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
