I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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