my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
