I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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