whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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