Please, let me fuck your mom
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i wish my penis had a tongue
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
