there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
