Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
