This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
