you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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