I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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