What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
