Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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