Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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