hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
