and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
