I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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