They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
