I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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