dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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