1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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