Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
