I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
