She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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