Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
