Last Night in Alabama (205)

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Ride him like a Zamboni

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"

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