Texts From Last Night · ancientlullaby's Favorites

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ancientlullaby's Favorites Texts:

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(732): View more from New Jersey

there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.

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(626): View more from California

she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

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(208): View more from Idaho

We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

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(214): View more from Texas

Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

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(708): View more from Illinois

This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

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