he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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