Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dignity is for republicans.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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