Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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