im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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