I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have post one night stand depression
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
