Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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