why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
