So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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