i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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