I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
