Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
