Small penises have feelings too.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
