Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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