If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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