Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
