ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
