You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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