I just saw a hot homeless man
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
