I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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