Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
