Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
