my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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