new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So much rum. So many feels.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
