I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
